Getting off Flat Street...

Parar

2012-01-10T23:39:00.000Z

It seems I am running out of words...

I like many walk this land sometimes looking for some sense, but maybe we don't all get what we need from it, but my last few weeks have strengthened my resolve as i hoped they would. People are shaped by their experiences ( I am sure of this because i know they effected me). I look at things in a clearer way from when I looked at the same places and the same faces in March last year.

Perception is a funny thing.., the human mind is a funny thing (some times it's honest with you and sometimes it's not) but the rock and the sun and the wind remained the same and were true...

I've had some initially lonely nights out on Montserrat over looking Barcelona from the Coves de Collbato working it all out and wondering truly why I had come back here? Why here!? But I understand more now what really happened in this place in March and that's why I came back...to understand the truth.

I am proud that i did this solo and worked through this little by little, honestly for myself...Because when everything else has gone, that's all we really have. My darker life experiences ate my childhood away like a cancer and I still struggle to forgive that...fuck knows!? Yo no sé !

Most relationships cause pain of some sort it seems and I cant really be with anyone for a bit longer because I'm not ready for them nor them me, but i genuinely look forward to that amazing day when i feel everything is right again and step across a boulder and all i can see in the world is her eyes, her beautiful profound eyes...

I had a business with a gross annual turnover of £2M a few years ago dragging my life in the wrong direction but finally I've made it to where i needed to go and I'm at the perceived bottom now sleeping in the car without a home, and it has taken me longer to find the bottom, it's cold like i thought it would be, but now there is only UP into the sunshine where it warms my face the way I hoped it would...

Scary Sant Benet, Montserrat, Espana

Getting off Flat Street has all been a little bit crazy, a big bit scary -just the way i like it.., a little bit ooooooooooh, a little bit aaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh, a bit Maslow even!

...Did i ever tell you about this girl from the East who got in touch with me just as i was leaving my wife, leaving my life, looking for something more...I think I just did ...

Showing strength in love...

2012-01-10T00:07:00.000Z

It's a funny thing love...

What is it? Crazy madness?Emotional mayhem? Frighting and amazing at the same time...

The world can seem so insincere sometimes, but when you fall in love (or think you have) and it is reciprocated, everything seems to just smile back at you... a state of mind?

I suppose you have to be brave to fall in love, and it seems to me that real bravery only shows itself when everything else you have is all used up and all that is left is for you to just let go and trust in what you believe to be true from your heart.

One day I realized that the risk of leaving my 17 years of married life was less than remaining in a dangerously unhappy existence. . that's a long time and I am proud.. Like soloing on a big wall, I will always commit and go 'all in' and risk it all for the right girl...that's how strong my love was.. Pero por ahora, trato de reparar mi codo e ir a por ocho b...

getting a bit Twisted...feliz año y algunos éxtasis..

2012-01-09T19:35:00.000Z

I went down to a new year party with a Spanish girl and her friends to celebrate the new year Montserrat style! A cool bunch of dudes and the party was great. Got into the swing of things about 3am when I went to take a couple scoops of the fruit and alcohol punch on the table when a nice Catalan girl came over and said in a soft voice " Marcos, just to let you know we have laced the punch with a small amount of Ecstasy, but it's suave (soft)" .

I hadn't ever tried any drugs of that nature but i thought.. 'fuck it'...feliz año..

Montserrat y la vista! (Montserrat and the view!)...breathtaking!

2012-01-03T19:28:00.001Z

escalar bloques y caballos (Climbing blocs and horses)...

2011-12-28T22:02:00.000Z

bloques...

Feliz' fuertes dedos!

Venga Tio!

Caballos...

Yo cierro

2011-12-25T18:10:00.000Z

A veces, la lentitud en las noches de Navidad me están matando, pero poco a poco, yo también creo que me están haciendo..

Si soy sincero, creo que he venido aquí para enterrar a un fantasma que mi mente había creado en mi último viaje, y la había convertido en irreal. Mantuve mi promesa a mí mismo, ya que no quería perder algo en mi vida que podría haber sido muy especial. Me encontré con ella en una cafetería en la primera mañana con un mutuamente momento incómoda luego me continuó con la exploración de Montserrat para mí y para el comienzo de mi segundo adventure. Ahora, puedo cerrar y seguir adelante de nuevo con mi vida.

Ya sabes, he trabajado duro durante 6 meses y condujo 2.000 kilometros para esta. Estoy loco, lo sé, pero yo era honesto conmigo mismo, al final con esto.

It was never supposed to take me 6 months to 'fix my life' and get back, sadly it did and 'time waits..........................'

Mejores días por delante ahora:)

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Dani California

2011-12-25T17:53:00.000Z

@ 3:49..oh yeh!!!

A beautiful day above the city on the mountain.

2011-12-23T19:02:00.000Z

Decided to walk up to the crag and managed to borrow a belay off two cool dudes from Barcelona. I had no intention of climbing for a week or so, but when faced with the chance standing underneath the rock with bright sunshine all around, how could I resist? Explained about my knee then set off up a Montserrat 6a - felt harder, but that´s Montserrat! It was an area to the left of where I had climbed before... awesome!

Really enjoy my spanish interactions testing out my hablando. Called a guy on the telefono about accomodation in spanish, spoke with climbers at the crag in spanish, ordered more food in spanish. Have found accomodation for Navidad, so thats cool. My spanish is pretty poor for now, but the sun was on my face today on the mountain and it felt great. I´m glad I have avoided finding an appartment in the city, up here, it is special and I would rather live in a more rustic surrounding and be on the mountain than down below... feliz.

2011-12-22T18:25:00.002Z

Shit happened... so I´m getting over it...

Managed to get down from Escocia in the turbo diesel wagon and each day i get up and do something small and it feels good. This place is so unbelievably beautiful and when I saw it on the horizon coming down from the Pyrenees, I was blown away by it again, more so than last time.

comming over Pyrenees

I have been going round various places I visited on my first trip mainly as a point of reference and also, I suppose to put a new perspective on them. I was at my most exposed down here before and it was nice to truly see the magical place through a clearer eye.

I am desperate to climb but need to wait until the knee is ready...soon...

One Day Like This... Elbow & Knees

2011-12-17T14:00:00.000Z

..."someone tell me how I feel...

...yeah, kiss me like we died tonight...

I'm a romantic at heart, climbing is just a metaphor for life and it is mine...I thought i could sort out my life, learn Spanish and get back down there 3 months after i was 'extracted' in May by the Geek, but it took six months and my hablando is not yet that great, but it will get better...of this i am certain.

Someone once told me; 'if you need to eat, then you will speak the language' .

I always train much harder on my own (solo) with a clear goal and a training pathway in mind..always. I need to fix my knee before I can climb harder again, so some nice walking in Montserrat will become running , then this will become climbing. venga!

And to achieve what i want to achieve for myself, then i need to do it solo and it feels right. for now
..

respecto el camPUS! miss you loads TOKYO x :-)

Chasing Rainbows

Amy Winehouse - Valerie

2011-12-14T18:31:00.000Z

en la mesa con la anestesia general ... eliminado! Shut Your Eyes

2011-12-10T18:45:00.000Z

When the nurses wheeled me down the corridor to the operating table for the knee, i was acutely aware of the risk that a general anesthetic has and knew it was a great spot for him (the big man..,the god) to sneak in and steal it when i wasn't paying attention. So I made sure i held on to the last and could feel the warm sensation of the drug float up from the back of my hand until my eyes went dark.

It was a weird day with personal questions about "my 'home' address.., my next of kin.., an emergency contact.., my doctor"... I just answered 'fungarth' to all of the above, which created a realization of where my life had gone and just how great a friend the fungarth had been to me when he had found me staring losely at the ground in Ratho asking him wither i should take drugs to try and stop the panic attacks i seemed to be getting. i didnt take drugs and through his kindness and careful doctoryness and good management, i seem to have made it through. Today he txt me on Arran to say that he had just done a winter ascent of 'Direct, Direct' on the Cobbler in escocia. He is a great mountaineer and i can see his mad smile now as he tops out after a big fight in a place he loves to play. venga garthgas!

Sometimes god's a sneaky bastard, he nicks things away when your not looking and sometimes he puts little chestnuts of happiness under your shoes and you just find your unstable feet rolling and tipping you backwards into a nice happy place...

Walk on the Wild Side - some old shit whilst im bored with knee and pilled oot ma nut.

2011-12-08T14:45:00.002Z

Carlos on the rainbow slate

Paul on Dawes of Perception

Marlene E6 6B, dunkeld; 87?

eiger 92

Wilson ...el día de la operación

2011-12-07T23:16:00.000Z

When your cast away on an island (psychologically) you hold tight onto the smallest of things but they hold such huge importance and personal belonging, especially when everything you had in the world has gone. During the difficult months of the summer when when i left with just a few things in a backpack, I found myself over reacting to the loss of the smallest possessions.

I left the UK with 500 euros and a small collection of clothing that i thought would see me ok until i could afford to buy more: It consisted of mainly an olive peaked beanie that i used to where when snowboarding, 5 tee shirts (2 vans, 2 Bite and the black O,neil Tahiti comp surf tee - which is incidently becoming my new favourite but it has a lot to live up to), 1 black Adidas tracksuit bottoms, a pair of jeans, a lifa thermal top for training, 2 hoodies (1 Black BITE one -my FAV! which i had made for my business in Turkey and a nice blue Vans one), a pair of Oneil board shorts that didnt fit as i had lost so much weight in 2010, a Cahart Camo jkt and black Gillet to keep me warm at night. My favorite items were my Ignite beanie and my green Vans tee shirt, nearly lost the beanie in a hellish day in Barcelona running late to meet the girl when it fell out my back pocket as i ran across the road and i went back for it, as i new i needed it physically for the cold nights on the ground and mentally as it was important to me then.

Going back for it and retracing my steps to where i found it probably cost me more than i realized at the time as she had gone, thinking i was not turning up and more than that; thinking I didn't keep my promises. My mobile phone did not charge properly that day of all days and I was sitting 100m from her at a place with the same name but at the Tram station instead of the Metro station! I had little room in my head for such small details that shit day in Barcelona and I paid the price. I eventually lost the beanie and in Siurana, but by then it didn't seem to matter as much, nothing seemed to matter by then.

I managed to lose and retrieve the tee in escocia with the help of the fungarth (my friend) as he saw how much it meant for me not to lose what i had chosen to take as my belongings and he got it posted up to his house back with me where it belonged, because it was mine, my favorite green Vans tee :-)

sometimes i feel like a stray dog running from the wolves that took everything and sometimes when i'm climbing with the great people like feliz chica, i feel so optimistic about my future and pushing hard again into life's awesome adventure.

The fungarth's kindness is dumbfounding to me.., how can one person be so kind and help so much...Te debo mi vida a mi amigo leal bueno... my knee doesn't seem to hurt, which is nice... but i'm sure the pain is in the post and just masked by the happy pills!

Spain gets closer.

Snow Patrol - Open Your Eyes

2011-12-04T22:27:00.000Z

woop! woop! manana...

Awesome day out ... first winter route in 15 years.. 4 pitch (V,7) great fun! Inspifoockingrational! a nice send off to el escocés montañas para espana viaje .BUNGA BUNGA!

...siguiente, la paella con la modelo y paracaidista luego la rodilla ...finalmente vamos!

Society + letra en español e inglés

2011-12-02T22:48:00.000Z

It's an awesome song 'society' - the disconnection from la sociadad. I have certainly found myself in this place more and more this year, especially in junio when i was as far away from the world as it would allow me to be while they stripped off my material layers with my financial insolvency. I did the rest by myself and stripped my mind of as much as i could and murdered my past to allow me to start again emotionally.

It seems it's been an angry time for me over the last few months, with confundido efforts to try to get back into the way of things, with trabajo, mujeres and of course climbing.

The work has been everything it was supposed to be.., working with a bunch of cool ninjas getting through our work days having a laugh where we can until the gates open and we go climb.

Woman has been more messy with me in recent weeks, with silly, disconnected attempts to find a hurried fit without much thought for letting a natural attraction just happen the way it should...i much prefer meeting a girl in a climbing environment than on una cita where it feels like a bad interview!... learning.

Climbing has been constant. Every week is filled with training on plastic when i cant get outdoors and meeting new people makes it better and better. I actually love the movimiento when i climb. it seems to make so much sense and give so much pleasure with no place for crap... just a truth. I don't like climbing, ¡Me encanta!

I am getting stronger and seeing the gains from my pre-competition work peaking now - time for more systems training to get to next level for espana and hopefully some ocho b action in spring. i know how to get strong and just need the rest of my life to step aside while i do the donkey work and do what needs to be done.

I count the days for espana now and can already here the woop, woop as i start down the road in the turbo diesel estate that will take me to the next little chapter of this new adventure. I'm going down there alone for a few weeks with no real plan other than to just live and learn about my surroundings and be nothing to nobody but something to myself...

Cant wait to see that horizon as I come over from Scotland ...I hope it's a new dawn and the music is playing loud...

New Sunrises... pronto

2011-11-30T17:52:00.000Z

It's weird, when i began this as an online training diary to help motivate me to get fit again, I set out with only me as the sole viewer. When it began to grow I asked for it's removal from a couple of climbing sites as i became uneasy.

Why write it at all? I dont know that answer to that yet, but i am learning not to try and hurt others and that's progress for me.

Algunos espectador anónimo dijo mi publicaciones recientes han sido "extraño" y pensó que la falta de comentarios sugirieron que él era mi único programa de visualización. en Escocia - yo sólo lo llamaría un "PRICK!" ...

Tal vez él es y tal vez no es (google estadísticas dice 55.000), pero es tan irrelevante como los tres abusos de confianza separados de mí como un niño. Para estar a solas con este hasta el año pasado es triste, supongo, pero me he vuelto más fuerte a través de este lugar y estoy listo para pasar a un lugar mejor y perdonar, gracias a un amiga.

Este ha sido un año difícil. o el "año del ano! una mierda, pero las cosas van a ser bueno para mí, lo siento..pronto vamos... :-)

Nouvelle Vague - I Melt With You

2011-11-25T22:13:00.000Z

The killing moon.

2011-11-23T01:54:00.001Z

It's funny, people talk about their big brilliant lives yet in all we are just 'dust in the wind'... I contemplated taking my own life only twice in my lifetime, which isn't bad considering all the junk. first when was i was about thirteen... i remember running the knife across my wrist and yet hating myself for not pressing harder to draw blood... it seemed futile and just a signal to myself that i lacked the commitment to do it and end all the confusion in my head. the second time was on Arran in June before i decided to invite a nice person across the water to discuss our different worlds.

I always remember promising myself that i would never end it under my own hand. This has always held me me in good stead...

This time ..Spain is for me and no one else...

Just Breathe - climbing away from the gear

2011-11-23T01:23:00.000Z

I have this friend who is struggling with the fear of climbing above protection on routes and is being attacked by the fear of the fall. Not un common for those who have not climbed allot of routes as it takes time to understand how to fall, how not to fall, when you can fall and when you should never fall...

My advice mi feliz amiga is to value the route you are trying and do all your thinking on the ground then just climb la roca with thoughts of only up and trust your brilliant self... and just breathe... and of course ' try REALLY hard!'

Oh Happy Day...

2011-11-20T22:17:00.001Z

Great day today... coffee on the beach, ferry, TCA session with la chica feliz ... feliz dias.

My Left Thumb...

2011-11-18T21:19:00.001Z

My thumb has had an interesting life as a thumb.

It first got my attention when i was watching tv at about the age of 10 and noticed if i rotated it around it would flick about in the joint in a jirky fashion. i then began to master this flick to display my thumb's disco bobbing weirdness to a level that it could be used as one of those special body functions that people like to to show off to others... the party trick...that kind of thing.

I then found my thumb being the main focus of my job when i was 18 on a horrendous production line of the Hoover factory in Cambuslang; where i had to grab a component off the conveyor belt every 6 seconds and do something special with my left thumb to get 3 clips on then pop it back on the line. I called that the hoover thumb. it made it stronger as i later discovered when doing the crux of Silk Purse (7c+) where i just clamped the pinch with my hoover thumb until it squeeked.

Time went by and the thumb just bumbled along in life with the rest of my other limbs, not really brining much attention to itself until one dayin 1990, i was doing circuits on a 7c at the Kelvin Hall climbing wall and i felt a sharp stabbing pain behind my left thumb.

It was the tendon going into the tendon sheath rubbing due to a build up of scar tissue .

Since then, i would occasionally flick the thumb for a lift in the uk (we drive on the left you see) but not much had been going on with the thumb unrtil the other day when flicking through my friends new autobiography and noticed my thumb had made an appearance in the text.

I always knew my thumb would be famous and make me proud one day! Go on my thumb... I love you man!

My Island..vamos

2011-11-18T20:24:00.000Z

A little less crazy...Un poco menos loco ...

2011-11-15T18:59:00.000Z

Trying to be kind is becoming a priority for me now and it is something that I dont feel the need to question or 'over think'. It just seems a simple thing that is honest and true. To move on, then i think that my investment in others is what i can look forward to and hopefully see more openness uncover as life goes on. I want to be less focused on myself soon but must be sure i am truly 'fixed'.

When I came back from Cataluna i was nothing.., just a shell full of pain and anger about my life, about others in my life, about any life. it was the most polarized my emotions have ever been when on Arran in June.

Might just be getting a little less crazy!

On the upside, I'm squeezing the pedal a little harder again and I get a bigger and faster car this week, finish trabajo in 4 weeks in UK, have knee operation finalized for 3 weeks and am enjoying my beloved Wales again and am finding a reason to enjoy 'trad' again without the crazy of my past TRAD....

Lots of people ask me about soloing and i fail to explain the truth of what it was like.. maybe it was just crazy...'out there without care...'

Risk...The left foot brake and my real brothers...

2011-11-14T17:25:00.001Z

Safety with increased speed...

After a party to launch the new Slate guide in llanberis and we had an opportunity to have a discussion with a forensic psychologist about her project relating to 'risk' in the Heights bar in Llanberis with Johnny after a nice day on the slate with an old skool ascent on a great multi pitch 7a in the big whole quarry with Carlos before he left the country. (that was a big sentence! all fucked up grammar! love it!)

I usually run a mile when the 'psychologist' joins my company but there seemed to be a theme that week with a beer with another clinical psychologist with guapa ojos in a Glasgow bar. So I was happy to get involved in the discussions, but ultimately Johnny, Adam and myself didn't really agree with too much of what was on the table (metaphorically speaking). All 3 of us knew what it was to operate and wander in and out of perceived risk but the psychologist's conversation was just not really getting out juices flowing.

The morning after the party, I was in a bad state having not drank much alcohol like that for a while, and Johnny took me for a spin up the pass showing me the left foot break technique as we glided towards the walls and found the line that suited the driving conditions. felt a bit risky in moments but during those moments special attention was paid.

Later we went climbing and i still hadn't shaken off the hangover nor did i bring any climbing gear to the crag, so Johnny lead the nice 6a pitch and i seconded in my trainers with the rope tied round my waist. The technique is to over crimp and aim for big ledges for the trainers to roll on. felt a bit risky in moments but during those moments special attention paid.

It was a great weekend and as I left Carlos and Johnny on the moonlit night heading North for Scotland i found myself flying through the Conway tunnels straight lining the bends in a heightened euphoria with the windows down and a general air of increased speed... felt safer than shambling home with a risk of tiredness crawling over me like a sleepy mist...

mis hermanos

Carlos (Trevor Hodgson)

My Welsh bros

christmas

2011-11-09T01:05:00.000Z

I feel as though I am drowning in sensible thoughts at the moment, stealing my adventurous spirit away as I ebb towards trying to be more responsible in terms of earning money. I have already had my 'Christmas' with my kids in preparation for this most definite of events. It feels a little sad, yet im fucked if i stay here at this family time as my story might just become a sad one instead of the adventures i promised myself.

I have this instinctive feeling that i need to be alone for the next few years to sort it all out and yet im screaming inside to be with someone to just 'share'... share time, share a cuddle on the ferry going over to MY island, share a piece of food and a drink, share a nice story and an honest smile...share some of the good me and all of her, but my psychological pain some times is so profound that it is maybe best kept with me.

it's just business...

2011-11-09T00:46:00.000Z

When people in business tell you 'it's not personal...it's just business..' then you should know that you are about to take one right up the ass... I always thought that business was very personal; very personal to innovate, incorporate and motivate... I love this scene as it epitomizes what business should be about for me...

Talihina Sky

2011-11-04T23:37:00.001Z

This is so soulful to me...

I am getting psyched to make some changes again, either here in UK or i go UP soon back into the sky towards another country. I have too many balls in the air waiting to land and none seem to be landing for some reason... When I left to go to Spain on the 9th of March i had to sell all my meager assets (surf boards, mountain bike, long board and anything else that was solely mine) I suspect that i am becoming too accustomed to the current security around me but need to have the balls to push on again and continue on my life's adventure book... It is scary but i need to risk for the big returns again... Cant let my life just go by...no way, never again.

50 pence

2011-10-30T17:09:00.003Z

Gumpola - Glen Rosa into Sannox...felicidad!

2011-10-29T22:11:00.003+01:00

Awesome, scary stormy day's running from Lamlash to Glen Rosa over windy saddle into the beautiful Glen Sannox then back round coast to catch last bus from Brodick to cottage across from the slap heads on Holy Island. Happy...biggest gump to date...

View Larger Map

Acting a little strange...

2011-10-28T21:02:00.001+01:00

It's been an inspiring day today with a soft day at work with the Bund Ninjas followed by a nice surprise and a last minute decision to catch the last night time ferry to MY island for a few days of running and chilling on my own.

A great wee 90 minutos session at TCA squeezed in between work and the sprint for the last ferry closely avoiding another empty petrol tank self inflicted crisis.

I love catching a last minute ferry after a week of work.. It seems really satisfying to get away from that place and be free on your island from the minute your ferry sets sail on the water. In escocia our weather is not placid and each element means business and tonight on the ferry, the wind was high which drove the rising swell against the bow of the ferry... I stood out on the front of the ferry for most of the evening journey enjoy the spray on my face and seeing my island creep out from the darkening sky ever closer onto my horizon. The boat was bounding from side to side a little in the rising waves and i enjoyed surfing the deck to maintain balance as the waves got higher.. pretty geeky but made me chuckle... for a minute anyway.

I have many weeks to go now before my financial chains are broken and i am able to earn as much euros as i want before having to hand it over to the 'trustee' who own's me now for the next 181 weeks. This is just one of the reasons i bottled it from the girl as i cant be viable in the context of who i am. Fuck i used to run a multi million pound company and now my hand shakes when i drink one of the too many coffees I need in the morning to persuade my mind to say yes to the day.., so that's no good for anyone else.

I am in fact really pleased how i have handled myself as i could have tried to be some fake cool guy (but would have failed pretty quickly) and so, maybe by being more of me then i wont trip up again.

Tomorrow i run on Arran, my little island of happiness... Run GUMP, run like FUCK!

"yes, homeless , but not hopeless!"

2011-10-21T22:01:00.001+01:00

A broken home

The day before the competition, I was psyching myself up and decided to spend the day with mi amigo el fungarth where we went into la ciudad in the morning so i could purchase an audio cd for learning mas espanol while driving to work.

as he waited for me coming down the street from my visit to the store, he commented on my beanie/hooded/booted appearance and said "i looked homeless"... I replied " i am fucking homeless" he retorted "yes, homeless , but not hopeless!" Interesting i thought. then we drove off to Dunkeld where i spent the whole day belaying him and skipping with my new training aid.

fungarth on sport wall

being homeless is probably one of the scariest things i've experienced in my life, but the fear was short lived as most such events are when you just adjust to the necessity and wait for a survival plan to unfold that makes sense and ticks all your boxes that motivates you enough to make the fix.

I remember closing one of my stores down during the recession and the homeless guy who would sell the Big Issue paper sharing his commiserations that my business was closing and wishing me luck... I thought at the time; 'god things must be bad'...when the homeless guy is feeling sorry for me! But what i did was negotiate the lease hold of that store and joined another company for an equity stake and proceeded to help grow that business from 1.5M to 4M within a year as part of a team of young Directors.But that was the result because i was motivated to do so.., if i was not motivated then i would have stopped and things would have got economically worse for a while... but maybe i should have stopped back then as i was not happy, but i instinctively fought on trying to grab at 'commercial success' and sent myself to business school to complete an MBA whilst i worked with the other company.

People would ask me why I was doing an MBA when I was reasonably experienced in business since I was 24, yet deep down i knew i had made a strategic error in my business and i wanted the answers as to why i allowed this to happen and find the rules (strategies) to NEVER let it happen again.. When i completed my MBA I instantly developed a new business plan and sold my equity and started again with a strategic business partner who had ran retail sports companies with huge financial success (one of which was sold for a record £298,000,000 to JJB Sports ) so I was sure that I would get it right this time... i had made some mistakes, corrected them through education and found a strategic business partner with more experience that you could throw stick at!.. well life's not like that, other wise we would all be millionaires!

But as i sit here tonight watching my good friend launch his book I am the happiest and saddest i have ever been but things are going to be the way they were supposed to be for me and i relish the future now.

I wish you all the success as you deserve it - you are a great human being, a great climber and a great friend.

VENGA JD :-)
VENGA! MI BIEN AMIGO!

http://www.johnnydawes.com/buy-stuff/full-of-myself/

Tango brutal...The British Lead Climbing Championships

2011-10-16T01:00:00.000+01:00

I awoke at 6am that morning and began to drive the 40 miles towards Edinburgh and the EICA that was hosting the BLCC's, when i was about 5 miles out I began to realize what i had actually done and nearly turned round and drove the car back 'home'. But, for me in that moment i hung onto why i had started the competition phase... it was for me and me alone.

when they called my name out i walked to the bottom of the competition wall and felt the adrenaline rise like i knew it would from my toes to the hairs on my head, but i had made my mind up how i would approach my climb and tried to climb with bravery and free as i possibly could to get the best from myself. i did the best i could in that moment on that day on that wall and i am happy with that.

In competition you naively think "i could have done better", but that is THE school boy error of competition because so many things can go wrong (a slip at the first bolt) or go right ( a lucky snatch at the last), but the best thing to take away from a competition is how relaxed, yet focused, how aggressive yet calm and how scared yet brave you can try to be at the next one...That why competitions remain intense, because never mind how many times you do them, your name gets called and your adrenalin just opens up and all you can do is climb up the wall.

The dudes at this competition have balls of steel...awesome to watch them, when you know how it really feels to tie in and climb up with a racing mind as you try to unleash all you are in that single moment.

The numbers:

I got up at 6am, drove 40 miles, was given the number 13 tee shirt (ha!), called out 3rd, got to the 9th bolt on Q1 and finished 18th in the British Lead Climbing Championships in 2011...then drove home for 6pm and ordered a chicken curry and a soft argentinian vino tinto.feliz...

Over the Falls

2011-10-11T23:11:00.000+01:00

It's not easy being me, and I bet it's not easy being YOU! But every now and then, it's a laugh being me....

I'm trying not to train so i can get all the good shit from the months of training through 'super compensation' but i get so mad for it, when not training that i have reverted to a 'long slim Chile' vino tinto to ease the pain of doing sweat... fuck... all... she is nice.

I am a bit of a space cadet when it comes to remembering the small shite in life, like where my keys are or where i left my phone, or the name of the toxic agent in a tin that i am mixing on the wall at the trabajo to fuel the oil industry... but at least i am working with a cool team of Bund Ninjas of whom one of the worlds strongest climbers and a friend and that brings a smile when the suns out looking at my face. The level 3 team leader bund ninja has given some good advice on preparing for my imminent ninja competition and if im lucky , then i wont be last (unless I choke, which is always flying in the wings of a competition environment).

I never really got time to thank you BUND NINJA for getting me the bund contract when i was at the bottom of the money tree.. Gracias, fuerta machina! :-)

Sometimes we have to just let go and 'go over the falls!' My competition experience will hopefully be a very positive experience, my expectations are unrealistic in my head, but that's normal for a space cadet? One has to remember that I competed against Jerry Moffat, Glen Sutcliffe, John Arran, Cubby, Mark Leach (Cry Freedom 8c!),Mick Lovatt, Tony Mitchell (Unjustified 8b+!) and various other gurus of the day but I have to remember was I was 15 stone only 20 months ago and unable to do more than tres pullups, but i am happy with my current position within the time constraints.

But it's ok, because Cropley said I shouldn't come last, so thats fine... Venga Gladiators, VENGA!

Anyway, back to the space cadet stuff: my recent fuck ups were:

leaving car keys in door at work when i went for lunchtime gump for comp training..dick!
running on the highly monitored lochside road beside the naval base with a reverse camo jkt instead of a high visibility vest, only to be scrutinized by the security team at the terminal. idiot!
placing my blackberry phone on the groove where the car boot slams and then slamming it and fucking the screen of the phone. loser!
getting changed from my bund ninja trabajo overalls mistakenly thinking it was home time, when in fact it was not.. quickly changing back and getting back in the work van... fuckwit!
burning a drill out till it smoked on the wall... not my fault this time?

good things that happened to a space cadet:

got a beanie i finally like and will take to espana
have got myself the strongest i have been since i was veinte by deluding myself into a competition environment
may have a sensible starting point for Spanish trip in Decembre beginning at El Chorro with the bund ninjas then down to Catalona for climbing, coaching, speaking espanol and living free in the sol.
coming to terms with my need for freedom & adventure and love for my children...

I feel myself beginning to set into the hot seat of competition as in business, where one has to look down the table of Directors and not flinch or show weakness...

monche ...

2011-10-11T20:11:00.002+01:00

plastic fantastic...Departures...

2011-10-08T23:57:00.000+01:00

Because I live in Escocia, I find myself climbing on plastic allot in the autumn and winter but in espania, i expect my time would be spent on la roca more often than not, except when trying to increase to a new standard or level of climbing strength.

The elementos are so important to me and the aesthetics of the wind, sun, water and the beautiful rocas mean something to my existence and happiness as a human being. Although I am learning from others to be more open and social, when i run on a beach on my own with the sand under my feet and the sun on my face away from la sociadad, it fills me with such a high level of pure inspiration that cannot be matched by speaking to another human being. I'm also looking for less social monotony (nodding of heads and blabla) and more and more towards spending time with great people who make me feel great.

Food is something i want to enjoy more (not right now as i diet for the competition, but after..)

After the competition I want to cook a beautiful meal for a beautiful chica and drink vino tinto and talk about the world and the inspirations and the friendships along the way.

After the competition i want to go and see and feel the violonchelo in my ears and across my body as it sings to the soul of myself and my friend.

After the competition I will get my knee operated, then I can safely go back to the Eiger without fear of weakness in my legs.

After the competition, I want to go to the mountains and read espanol, walk, run, climb, eat and leave the plastic fantastic for a bit and be alone to finish this competition phase and cheer at the sky and tell it that "i did it"... I competed in the BLCC's ...

After the competition, i begin to win again, not first or fifth or fifteenth, but just at truly being me.

el surf and beach gumps

2011-10-08T00:50:00.000+01:00

Decided to make a sprint for a surf after work and won some sun, poco surf and dos beach runs... Inspiring day.

El Rio...

2011-10-05T21:49:00.005+01:00

Hoy en día, me fui a correr hasta "el valle perdido" en Glen Coe después de mi trabajo a la condición de mí mismo para la competición. Era muy húmeda, pero también muy, muy hermoso para estar allí como la de la lluvia y los colores del otoño en las hojas de los árboles en la montaña.

Yo sé cómo encontrar la inspiración de mi país y los elementos que es, pero pronto tendrá que encontrar la valentía de mí mismo para conseguir el qualifiction busco ...

Pero hoy, me cruzó un río y me siento feliz ...

Today, I went for a run up to the 'lost valley' in Glen Coe after my work to condition myself for the competition. It was so wet, but also so, so beautiful to be there like that in the rain and colours of autumn on the leaves of the trees on the mountain.

I know how to find inspiration from my country and it's elements, but soon i will need to find bravery from within myself to get the qualifiction I seek...

but today, i crossed a river and i am happy...

Lauryn Hill - Zion

2011-10-03T19:15:00.000+01:00

Both my daughters were brought into the world by cesarean section and i remember vividly seeing them both being lifted from the bloodied belly of my wife as i held her hand in the surgery room 10 years apart. I was so impressed by her bravery that seemed so effortless and natural to her to give birth to our children.

Although my wife and I's relationship ended, I am so grateful for my kids and proud to have brought them to the world. As I get stronger as a person again, I am challenged by what they had to go through for me to truly repair myself and in turn help them, but things seem to moving on a brighter star, I just hope they eventually understand why...

Yo Mama 2nd part...

2011-10-02T13:00:00.000+01:00

Las olas and bangers.. great weekend off.

Yo' Mama

2011-09-30T19:40:00.000+01:00

Competition - a qualification (Competencia - una cualificación)

2011-09-29T19:43:00.000+01:00

Dancing shoes!

This competition will make my life less surreal, it will have to, because for me, it must.

I dont want to lose the asthetics of my experiences (since i left the sociadad on the 9th of March) to the lense of a pragmatist as I have had some beautiful, dangerous and romantic things come my way.

To try to qualify them without the loose and honest colour they were painted for me would be a sin against the hours that ticked by as I learned to be me again.

Qualification, means i am capable to play the game, pero después, voy a ver un concierto con una chica y comer buena comida. then i play on the blocs until spain.

Esta competición se que mi vida sea menos surrealista, tendrá que hacerlo, porque para mí, así debe ser.

No quiero perder el asthetics de mis experiencias (desde que salí de la sociadadel 9 de marzo) para la lente de un pragmático como ya he tenido algunas de las cosas bellas, peligroso y romántico en mi camino.

Para tratar de calificar, sin perder el color y honestos que fueron pintados para mí sería un pecado contra las horas que pasaban como aprendí a ser yo otra vez.

Calificación, significa que soy capaz de jugar el juego, pero después de ... Me gusta un concierto con chica y la buena comida entonces juego de los bloqueshasta que España.

Going beyond Narnain...

2011-09-28T22:44:00.000+01:00

trabajo

I went for a run after work today up the mountain to the Narnain Boulder on the Cobbler to try and start some fat burning and seek some inspiration and courage for the competition that nears. When I run, my music seems more amazing.

As I listen to more piano, I feel the change of pace in the sound really adds and directs the mood and intention of the piece. In climbing, when on sighting, we need to know when to change pace and what direction to take and most of all stand at the bottom in the correct mood.

In training towards a peak, one must also listen carefully to the body and change the pace and intensity so that all the hard work of recent months is drawn out through a structured recovery whilst raising the intensity of the difficulty with less volume in the training. It is the intelligent part of the cycle, where your body wants to keep training but the mind needs to take charge.

My mind hasn't been in charge for a while, but this competition focus is making me much stronger as I will need everything i am to just look up and see the holds as a cliff on a mountain whilst trying not to sag... big locks, feet high.., always.

Tam

looking back down towards the trabajo after the gump

diario de entrenamiento ...

2011-09-26T23:06:00.000+01:00

inspiración

Estoy disfrutando mucho de mi formación y de trabajo para romper mi meseta utilizando una nueva técnica adoptada a partir de los métodos de formación español se centró principalmente en la integración de los campus en conjunto con la máxima fuerza en los dedos antes de que finalmente la participación en la resistencia a la potencia.

La técnica consiste en conducir la fuerza en los dedos y el poder central del campus a continuación, cuando el nivel de potencia y la fuerza del campus está por encima de meta bloque, a continuación, resistencia a la potencia se trabaja desde el nuevo nivel elevado.

Esperamos que esta nueva estrategia de capacitación entregará el ocho b busco en mi escalada ahora ... Creo que estoy listo para entrenar duro de nuevo en la forma en que me gusta tanto ... con la pasión y el compromiso que cree ..

No chocolate para mí por un tiempo ...

campus y estudiar español en la casa fungarth...Feliz.

También estoy tratando de practicar mi español, así que estoy seguro de que habrá muchos errores en mi traducción, pero bueno! ... Gracias "Argentina", por su amistad y ayuda en español

Wake Up Alone...

2011-09-26T12:01:00.000+01:00

The first two nights were the most erotic of my life, the third morning was rushed and clumsy.., my fault I think, and I accept that.

pero sus ojos, sus labios y su lindo 'belga' son míos para siempre.

When someone doesn't want you in their life, it hurts but I suppose one has to be brave and see it as a timely gift for the beautiful moment that it was, when two stars collided...

I've got an itch! Flight of the Bumblebee...

2011-09-24T21:33:00.002+01:00

Formación en un verdadero límite es de un medio hostil, a veces cerca de la tortura cuando el entrenamiento es prolongada e intensa .. incluso bola aplastando!

Pero entrar en una competición de escalada de plomo se encuentra cerca de la cosa más espantosa que puede hacer en la escalada si usted no tiene la personalidad para ello. Estoy muy polarizado como un individuo y, a veces soy bueno para me, ya veces me ahogo en el ámbito salvaje ...

"La muerte nos sonríe a todos, todos los que un hombre puede hacer es devolverle la sonrisa ..."

Los gladiadores ... Yo te saludo!
Se siente más seguro para que le diga a la sociedad que estoy loco. pero a lo mejor eres tú el que está loco y estoy aquí jugando en las rocas de la tierra, mientras que usted juega el juego de dañar cada otros.

Help someone...

2011-09-22T00:28:00.001+01:00

Jamie's final preps before Aberdeen Bouldering Competition

dos chicas enjoying a board session

Marie on campus

Joanne on maxima dedo - strength work.."SIETE!!!"

I think that to help someone get through a personal challenge in sport is perhaps more fulfilling than helping yourself and coaching helps me help others.

When I began with the idea of coaching climbing, I was very unsure whether I wanted to pursue it with vigor, i still have hesitations but more in what i want to coach and the format of my coaching. I am becoming more and more fulfilled by facilitating others to unlock there full climbing potential and seeing the dudes improve and learning from them for my life, is great.

Happiness seems more achievable through helping others... this is starting to make real sense to me now.

aprendizaje piano - fasa uno!

2011-09-18T21:59:00.003+01:00

He decidido intentar aprender el piano en el disfrute de entre el entrenamiento para la escalada y el trabajo y el estudio de español. Me limitaré a disfrutar del aprendizaje con un toque natural, ya que tiene suficiente los objetivos de difícila cuerdo. felicidad.

The Piano - The Scent of Love

2011-09-17T17:31:00.003+01:00

The scent of love... sometimes bitter, sometimes sweet. I suppose the secret of love is to be open and be capable of falling in love, maybe I have never really fallen in love with someone, and more fell in love with the idea of them loving me. An Attachment Disorder they say... but to feel so over-awed by someone and yet eventually realize they are just another human being who cant hold the course is a curse to me. I so wish I understood why this is, as it makes being with someone all so pointless as they inevitably have to go. The music, the emotions, the roca, they have stayed...

When I went to Spain, I gave only the truth, up front with nothing to hide and yet failed to hold onto something precious, because I was so insecure in my place on this earth and all that I was leaving behind in the UK lay underneath my consciousness eating me to death until finally I gave in...

The island saved my life, my small dusty life with the sun on my back as i ran for all i was (while the consultants and lawyers de-financed me in the city) up Glen Rosa one day and meandered down it with a friend the other, talking of the world and what we wanted from it... She gave me hope in humanity and a friend I hope she will always remain for me. So here is a beautiful piano with the sound of the soul to finish on violonchelo..,for you mi amiga.

Sirtaki and speed drills...

2011-09-12T23:56:00.000+01:00

My good friend the Fungarth is off to Kalymnos... I stay back for the competition training and finish the board but I will dance.. let the madness continue...

I've a reached a new stage in this block where I am converting achieved levels of maximal finger strength to power endurance on board sessions - will see how it feels at Ratho where i will try and climb harder now. Did my first double session today on board with good results with a 2 hour gap between sessions. see how tomorrow feels but I have a good feeling about this strategy. Just need to work out the best recovery strategies and what the best component parts for each session should be.

comp boots

The Bund Ninja... competitive?

2011-09-10T23:59:00.000+01:00

Life at the the Bund has been pretty good but no major events, just good fun working with the Ninjas.

My training has changed with more PE being fed into the sessions on harder routes than before with my level 3 and level 2 showing me direction.

The campus rungs arrived and i have had my first session on the middle board with them,which felt desperate, but in a few weeks it will feel easy again.

I cant stop thinking about the competition and am getting myself pretty psyched for participating to see if they are more fun than before. But I am of limited time as it is in 5 weeks or so. I trained for 4 months specifically for London comp in 1990...this time I would be happy to enjoy the experience. I think it would be great to just enter and see if I could qualify like before, and I have promised myself to lead my climbing life to the full having gone through so much to get myself here...

When your head is in the right place for competition climbing, it then comes down to strength and fitness and all I can do is train towards the event and see if I can lift my power endurance to a level that satisfies me enough to enter. We have been building an extension to the board with a 45 wall going up with more systems training aids going on. I am trying to increase the intensity of each board session now to drive things hard and hopefully will be able to do two sessions per day in a few weeks as I need to train like a fucking Olympian to satisfy my entry to the comp. no point not going to the max with this stuff.

Enjoying my coaching allot and am beginning to recognize just how brave my dudes are and am inspired by them every day...long live 'fight club'!

It upsets me that I never got my 1st Septiembre flight to Spain, but it will be the best in the long run, if i can speak better Spanish and have 5 months euros behind me instead of 5 weeks like last time... I miss it deeply, but maybe this competition training will remind me to try harder in everything I do going forward with my new life.

Do Something...

2011-09-08T01:05:00.000+01:00

Competition Wall - Ratho

I think to be competitive again, I should do something... I could not imagine stepping out into that environment again where the lights turn to you when your name is called and you walk to the bottom of the wall trying to block them all out yet trying to let them in to help you pull harder, push further and climb with a passion that you thought was lost.

I suppose I just need to imagine I am soloing again, free of ropes and outside distractions as before, only thoughts of up...

Happy Alone - Shibboleth Solo 1988 - (Photos Copyright Stephen Yates)

2011-09-06T00:39:00.000+01:00

Someone once asked me what was the scariest moment in my life... I think it was when the toilet pan skidded off to the side when I was wiping my arse... extremely frightening at the time i thought, but in the context of climbing, soloing was the least frightening time of my life compared to the dark nights and unanswered questions that I could never find a resolution to...

Flat Street:
"I had always wanted to try and do something special with Shibboleth and it had never been soloed before (or to date to my knowledge). The climb is extremely high quality, steeped in tradition and heralds a bold reputation as it makes its way through impressive rock scenery near the top of a great mountain (Buachaille Etive Mor). It is composed of about 7 pitches with the 2^nd(5c) and 4^th (5b) being the crux. The first crux pitch is quite steep and often damp with the second comprising of delicate face climbing on holds that slope away from you in a very precarious setting 500 ft up the wall with only fresh air and distant noises from cars as they inch their way along the road 2,000ft below.

Stephen (my cousin) and I hitched up from Balloch in the afternoon and dumped our unneccasserries at the ville and then rushed up to Slime Wall where Shibboleth had my name on it. I had been contemplating the first solo ascent for a while and had gone through it in my head pitch by pitch and was now up to a technical standard and fitness that made this solo ascent viable for me.

The problem with such a climb was the nature of the route. It wasn’t one of these puppies that grew tamer with time through the improvement and innovation of modern equipment (excluding rock boots). Shibboleth was a raw scare factory for those who gave her the opportunity. It had legendary status of the past with Robin Smith's extremely bold 1^st ascent followed by a modest number of repeats for the grade at the time. It was simple; Shibboleth was a reasonably serious piece of climbing that commanded respect from it suitors.

Usually such bold routes are secretly disarmed in a solo because the boldness of a poorly protected lead, cloaks the easier physicality and things seem harder when under the pressure of big falls or fatal injury (naturally).

Stephen was there to record it on film and he was to climb the easy adjacent route of Cuniform Buttress (VDIFF). We sat at the bottom whilst I cleaned the soles of my rock boots to a squeaky clean finish then I spent a minute looking up at the 1^st crux while Stephen made his way up his climb to gain some height. Once a solo ascent is committed to in the mental psyche and preparation, the climbing becomes very clear and a solo ascent is usually very seamless and flowing. If it is not, then the alternative is not so good and never the focus of the exhibition - because your – pan breed - deed, teas oot etc etc…

I felt relaxed and ultimately sure that this was going to be a fantastic climbing experience beyond all I had done before with fingertip moves of 5c, 500ft above a Great Gully 2000ft up the mountain. It was a majestic setting with this bulging mass of rock just searing up into the heavens while I looked up wanting to take it on, free solo.

Nobody had done this in the entire world! I didn’t pause for one minute to consider failure as I felt the route belonged to me. We had done our climbing apprenticeship up here and I was comfortable with managing my fear in this arena as I had already experienced it as Colin Gourley and I climbed the Like's of Bludger's Revelations, Bloody Crack, Letcher's Superstition and the very exhilarating Doom Arête when we were aged 14. Fear and frustration are part of soloing. The faster you learn how to deal with them, the more mentally tough you will be. I've always found, the easiest way to deal with fear and frustration is to experience them without resistance. Self awareness has always been the crucial ingredient for my soloing antics - without it: you are off.

I set off up the first easy VS pitch to the base of the steep crux pitch. I was cautious of dampness as this crux pitch was renowned for having a wet streak on it high in the crack (I remember Tam having a momentary slip on it when he and Paraffin climbed it years earlier). I was experienced with the friction of the rock and the impending vertigo that this wall could whip up once high on the face.

The first pitch went without any problems and I recall reaching hard out left from the steep crack before pulling across the steep traverse and up onto the ledge below the next easier 5a pitch, which followed in a blur. As I stood at the belay point below the classic 'Jug Handle' crux pitch, I became more and more tense. Normally one would clip into a belay and have a little relax and lean back on the rope and enjoy the airy exposure, but when soloing you can’t lean out and this belay point requires a lot concentration to stay in place whilst preparing for the most intense moment of your life.

Up there alone, there was no bullshit, only hard rock, the weather, you and your god!

Every move and thought you made really mattered like your body and mind had never experienced. Shibboleth on Slime Wall was getting soloed today, by me and I was feeling the love baby! I took a deep breathe and began the sequence away from the belay flake and moved up and out further till I was at the crux where I remember placing my fingers carefully on awkward rightwards sloping ledges that had good friction but each finger was monitoring the friction levels that were being placed upon the skin of each digit – it was intense beyond my wildest expectations and it felt awesome.

I dared to look down beyond the requirement of my sloping foothold placements, to see my toes placed carefully on sloping holds - which were relatively big (about 1 inch) with a view between my legs that would burst your brain cells. The exposure was insane and I was there, and it was real. I began to relax again and made it to the next belay and took a breather to ask Stephen how he was getting on opposite and if he got some good shots.

It began to sprinkle a light smear of rain – this was my worst nightmare. Shibboleth free solo was not the place to be when the rain came I assure anyone alive of that. I waited below the next pitch to see what was happening with the light speckles of rain. I was 500ft up a steep, impending, vertical wall with nothing but my rock boots a chalk bag a pair of climbing tights and a red fleece that Stephen lent me for better photos. If it began to rain heavy then there was nowhere to go, nothing to do, nobody to help within a time frame that would prevent your hands getting numb in the cold and not being able to hang on for a technical rope rescue hours later. With both Crux pitches out the way, it became a race in my head to get off...

The rain didn’t come to anything and I waited for the airflow of the upward breeze to dry the rock as it brushed past me on the face and Stephen to get higher on Cuniform Buttress – I was climbing faster than he was due to the steep nature of the wall I was on (plus I was always bloody waiting on him when were younger).

I remember this backpacking trip we did where we walked from his Gran's house in Milngavie to Drymen, when we were about 12, camped there and walked in to the Queens Forest round the back end of Ben Lomond in the pissing rain until we eventually dragged our sorry asses over the shoulder of Ben Lomond down onto the road eight hours later. He was behind me the whole way except when we hatched a plan to plead for a lift back to safety. I had been the driving force of that experience, where in reality we were suffering exposure, soaked and wading through flooding rivers and becoming weaker and weaker – he was behind me all the time – it did my box in as I always felt as though I was mentally pulling us both forward. Anyway the bug bear was that, I was to act extra ill and he would ask for the lift. I was affronted at this as he was the one that was lagging behind most of the way! He was the brains…

I got the green light from 'speedy' to continue and climbed up to the small overlap/corner of this 5a pitch. I was just starting to get cocky and pose for shots when my foot slipped a little but luckily I was on good handholds – all cool.

Got to the top where we took some cheesy photos of me with my arms striking up to the sky as the winner overlooking Shibboleth then we haired it down the gully and back to the King's House for the prize where Ian Nicholson shook my hand. He congratulated me a few times in my life, one of them for the Shibboleth solo. He understood the gravitas of this as he was a great solo climber with outrageous solos on the Ben in winter early in his career.

I remember discussing Slime Wall with a modern performance artist years later, who took me out for a business lunch on Byres Road in Glasgow, to discuss his idea. I think I scared him away when I began to get into the whole artsy surreal thingy explaining to him about the ecstasy that could be achievable whilst flying down the slime wall before the price of your head bursts all over Great Gully – I also mentioned doing a stage show with a giant washing machine as a metaphor for the avalanche experience I had. I thought he would like that sort of stuff, but I think he assumed I was right off my tree…

No other solo came near this except for my on sight solo in 1985 of a well known arête in Glen Nevis when I was sixteen and not really established at that grade: Edgehog E4 6A - 80ft"

NS2394 Oil Terminal ... The 'Bund'!

2011-09-01T20:52:00.001+01:00

trabajo en le 'bund'

I have began the nuevo trabajo and finally got to experience the mundo de la 'bund'. The bund is a mythical place where only a few climbers have got to share this world famous experience. Our team leader (level 3) climbs, our level 2 climbs and the level 1 climbs again...and our other level 1 doesn't climb and is bored out of his tits listening the intermittent climbing talk in between battering the heavy steel into the mighty bund... (he doesn't have tits...it's just a term)

Life in the bund is not for the faint hearted. The commitment required is massive. The walk in is massive, the walls are massive and steeper than the Anvil (which is situated just over the next hill coincidentally). The gear is poor with just two static lines and 2 shunts to hold your cotton clad self in this arena of doom.

The level 1,2 &3's hope to free the central line of the mid bund groove which has been scoped from the comfort of the van and looks great for an onsight attempt later in the trip... weekly bund feeds will be streamed through to this website as the team progress towards their amazing climbing adventure...

Super you, super me, super everybody,... Supermercado!

2011-08-30T15:21:00.005+01:00

...Marketing is about selling something 'super'. It's never shit!
Imagine selling something shit in a shit way with a shit message:That would just be totally shit! Awesome! No, the shit!...

A veces, parece que están obsesionados con la producción y los medios de comunicación que se alimenta de escalada que, en el que está haciendo, es más 'marketing' de la realización de películas. Sería bueno para disfrutar de una obra de arte en escalar montañas con más alma y estimulantes preguntas emergentes del contexto de la experiencia ...

Pero, supongo, que debe consumir al servicio de nuestra hambre imaginario que es urgente y alimentado por el descontento en un nivel superior. Ser un ser humano en esta sociedad parece requerir una capacidad de decir mentiras y, a su vez, estar saturado por mentiras hasta que por fin están dormidos y nuestro papel en la comunicación de las mentes más y finalmente compra la mierda quela pala ... súper tu, súper me, todo el mundo super ... supermerfuckingcado!

Ry Cooder - Paris, Texas

2011-08-30T00:05:00.000+01:00

Free and easy... and here I am.

2011-08-27T00:00:00.004+01:00

'Kiss the sun, sign in the sand and you will be King

I miss running on the beach in the mornings with the sun on my face and the rain on my face..

I miss talking to the Argentine chica as we walked down Glen Rosa on the Island after having climbed on the granite and being free and open in every sentence with her with nothing to hide and really being me... it felt great being that open with someone who I knew instantly was a good person when I first met her that night at the wall a year before when I asked for her help to lead a 6a at the wall. She said a nice thing to me as we climbed - that I didn't climb like a beginner and that stayed with me... It was tough feeling so heavy on those massive plastic holds on the wall back then and now we campus 18 months later. feliz

the ferry port in May

It's now 107 days since I was dragged back across the English Channel from espana to the UK with cero euros, no assets and no home to go to. To feel alone with everything gone and with no available resources is a very different place from just living alone and feeling lonely. On the island I tried to immerse myself in everything that needed addressing in my life and I tried to avoid leaving room for anything to hide from my torturing mind. Trying to fix yourself on your own can be harsh and extremely scary but eventually if you cut deep enough then maybe the road back becomes more viable once you have cleaned out as much as you know exists.

What has been crucial for me so far, has been to let go of control and just simplifying everything around me so that stress has no where to breed, and by just eating, climbing or training; I was living, and that is all I wanted because every minute in those weeks, generated psychological pain I had never felt and relentlessly challenged my every breathe. Sometimes i could only see bad in things that weren't even there? Sometimes I just thought I broke things...

And finally, I began to see some strength returning and more importantly a will to get strong again, a hope to live and grow again instead of merely surviving. To merely survive is all i had become then because to take my eye of that single focus would had led to failure.., a failure to stay alive. And so, I think I have learned to accept my darkest of journeys on my own with a hopeful stare towards the horizon, trying not to hurt anyone, trying not to involve anyone until I had become someone again.

It's weird what you can do when you simply have to fight for your basic needs; to eat, to find somewhere safe to sleep, water to drink, exercise for your body and learning for your mind to maintain growth as a human being. I had a fight with god which ended in the usual result of stale mate. Maybe one day, one of us will win... I get the feeling it wont be me, but fuck knows. But I will always take it to him with a fight as he isn't getting me for free.

Today is a weird day and has the feeling of a neuvo fasa por me as I am suddenly finding myself with a new car, a contract of work and a guaranteed place to sleep for more than a week. This 'security' feels warm for now, but i must not get seduced by this marriage and retain the focus of it just existing to service my goal of living near the montana and climbing en espana.

I am inspired by my life again and I will try each day to fix a little part that needs fixing and one day I could just win and be free of my demons, but I dont know this. Everyone has demons and im not special but i am me and that's all i know for now. I suppose i ought to mourn my marriage but I dont feel the need: I celebrate the great years and the respectful ending. I morn the lost time with my children (that hurts like a pain I could never have imagined) but I needed this time for me to get through the mess that had become my life... an untruth that needed to be true for me to be me.

Trying to find peace of mind may never happen for me...I kind of know that. It saddens me, but at least I got to tell someone and that's ok...

God...Fucking hated him...

2011-08-14T01:13:00.002+01:00

I suppose the fact that I was placed in a position where all I could look to for answers was the sky...to god. But he had left me on that moor that night as a young boy with nothing but hate and self loathing for me, for everybody and for him...

Maybe all my hate and conversations with the 'god' has in fact lead to an ironic situation where my hate for god and what he allowed to happen to me, is in fact, an admission to my self, that I needed to believe in something greater than what I saw before me in my life.

It's easy for me to hate 'god' because he was a cunt. But perhaps forgiveness is my true way forward and maybe if I forgive 'him', then maybe I will climb 8b for Christmas! Hallelujah...

I never wrote a letter to 'god' like in the 'Color Purple' but I'm sure in time I might... I truly hope I do.

may just have saved the tomatoes

2011-08-12T19:25:00.003+01:00

Portlethen NE

Amanda @ Terrier (7c+) fookin hard!

Left the security of my campus sessions, to go outside and do some groovy coaching up in the North East, but luckily we had a facility to campus, so all's well that ends well...

Starting to feel ever closer to that one arm pull up on my right arm, but probably a few weeks away yet (or more if i fail to be consistent in this training block). 'Some say' that plyometrics can't truly be found in climbing training, but for me, this is bullshit. I believe that plyometrics are present in allot of climbing/training and just needs to be isolated more and then focused on and supported within a strategy - but this is just me and i can think what i like here!

If my strategy doesn't work then I was wrong. If it works, then it was based around a plyometrics strategy and that interests me allot. But I need to be consistent to the training to obtain a result.

Getting scared now at the big house as the fungarth will be returning in a few days to inspect his domain. The big grass lawn has been cut, the small lawn has been cut, but the bed sheets i washed and put out on the dryer thingy outside have gone AWOL but I think I have just managed to save the tomato plants in the green house which I forgot to water in the first week, but I saw fruit growth today, so that's nice...maybe they live...

Arran granite

I also got a positive email response from a Hotel on MY island for some work with the sacred pincel (paint brush) which excites me, as it is a direct result of my outstanding entrepreneurship! Which will hopefully still be there when I return from Siurana as I would like to work there again on the island and have cool days running on the coast, cooking for a friend and climbing on the big granite slabs again. ver que pasa

Another little Spanish learning discovery is that the 'toe' translates as 'the foot finger'...funny. is it funny? yes? no? who knows... I thought fuck knows?..bla, bla,bla, blog,blog,blogitty fucking blog....

The Training Game... the campus sessions (El juego de entrenamiento ... las sesiones del campus)

2011-08-07T22:09:00.004+01:00

Training is fucking marvelous sometimes... I've been living on my own for a while now just waking up, eating then training and studying the language, then ice baths to speed recovery then more training eating and study...

I have been doing one day on, one day off, to allow my body to adjust to the shock loads of re-introducing the beautiful campus into my life. I have waited since January 2010 (when I walked round to Dumby that cold winters day to boulder the moves with my feet planted on the ground due to my weakness and heavy body!) till now, to be finally strong enough to begin the campus sessions.

The campus sessions teaches me more precise and dynamic movements that you don't get elsewhere in other systems training and the muscles seem to adapt quickly, so hopefully 3 to 4 weeks should be enough of this to see a marked improvement...if not it's back to the drawing board!

I decided a few weeks back that I was let down in Siurana in the spring with a lack of 'raw power' in pulling my full body weight up (even on big holds) and this pissed me right off! I was eventually able to generally flash in around the 7b+/c ground of the 8a's that i tried but just lacked that compensatory power to get through the full 8a route ground up. It bugged the shit out of me that I had not been able to train to this level as it what I used to do when I was fucking 15! But sometimes, patience is required to move from one plateau in climbing to the next and a more strategic approach seems to me, to be the only way to achieve it. So I have just been obsessing with this new method of working using the campus strategy to try and deliver a substantially higher level of power endurance than when I was in Siurana earlier. Hope it works ...

When you break away from that initial grind of a few sessions and you begin to start recovering quicker the next day and feel the muscles physically tightening again, the fingers clinching stronger as you sup on that coffee...waiting for the next session to come round and be good to go again.. Not waiting for it to be over, never wanting it to stop.. that's when I know the training is kicking in and my body is changing and adapting... It feels great to finally be able to pull up my full weight again from hold to hold with intent and some power again... fuck i love this stuff, but she's a naughty mistress if you don't give her the time in the warm up and warm down and a final serving of ice for desert, then she will break you good and proper... I like :-)

I wish i could press pause on the world outside and be fed through a pipe in the garage and campus for 4 months then go outside and rip it down... but only have 3 weeks.

Frank Zappa - He Used To Cut The Grass..

Beyond Survival...(vivir)...

2011-08-05T13:26:00.004+01:00

I took the telephone call today, that I had been waiting for, dreading even, but always just hoping.

Its a long story really, but one day a cloud came along and seem to sit above my life and it began to rain for a while. I'm no slouch when it comes to dealing with some hardship in life, that's just life. But on this occasion the concentration was pretty much overwhelming and forced me into a place that had one familiar sound echoing in the background...survive...

I survived allot in my life, the avalanche that killed my friend, the car crash in Glen Coe, The Eiger epic, The Ben Nevis epic where my friend got blown off when standing beside me in the dark on the NE Buttress in winter. These kind of things teach you a system, a method if you like, on how to simply try and just stay alive...stay alive, not anything else in that moment but just try to get back alive.

The cloud came from the following events over a short and painfully sustained period:

The loss of a close family member to a slow and brutal battle with cancer, my business collapse, the separation from my family, finally opening up and facing the demons of abuse from my youth, meeting another that I couldn't be with, financial insolvency and ultimately homelessness, all came at once and all I knew about anything, was just one thing... to wake up and walk, eat and climb...Not pretty, but survival rarely is I suppose.

I have been waiting and waiting to hear from the city about the final outcome regarding my kids house, my personal insolvency and today I have actually been thrown a life line... If I'm honest, then I will tell you that I have cried every day since leaving for Spain on March the 9th. I don't know why really, but maybe its what you do when you cant understand these negative things going on around you.

When I was in Spain, it was apparent that I was trying to make all these situations just go away, because collectively it was too much for me to handle. But what became evident through my meeting another was that my life could be fixed if I was motivated to do so but I needed to go back to the UK and fix it...only then could I truly move forward as a person again with life choices ahead of me.

To be able to start again is inspiring, it feels scary. But if I am more true to myself now and shape a life that when I wake, I am bouncing up from the pillow, bounding into the shower and ravaging my breakfast as though it were my last...with that lust for life that of recent seemed so distant then I will have won something back again... to live.. (vivir).

Venga Siurana venga!

it's a tight rope spud, a fuckin tight rope!

2011-08-04T19:09:00.000+01:00

'Spud had done well... He fucked up good and proper...you had to hand it to Spud...'

Out on a limb...humbling...

2011-07-26T15:41:00.004+01:00

This week at the rehab mansion for the mad hasn't been going to plan with a few 'life' mistakes being made that in one hand, may have pushed me a step backwards in my attempt to repair my crazy napper.

Today I'm tripping right out ma nut on a big bad ass dark one and it doesn't feel pretty, but i have been here before, and the answer lies in facing it down until it fucks off and i can operate again (might take an hour, might take longer). I cant explain why it came today.., why not yesterday, why not tomorrow.., why now? Fuck knows?

This is why I was self employed from a young age, because I need to make room for for this as it doesnt make an appointment...just turns up, when I'm looking the other way..,bastard thing.

The other matter is my coaching work, where I have been slowly shuffling closer to making more commitments to others and looking forward a little in terms of where I might take the coaching business. I'm a good coach, I'm good at looking for climbing improvements in others, whether physical or psychological and transferring this to improve their climbing. But yet I want my coaching to be exceptional and specialized so that I get a real return for me and feel honest that it inspires the person and satisfies my interest and inquiring mind in the movement of body and mind over the rock.

I have not been chasing business in coaching too much (compared on how I know how to market a business) and just enjoying stumbling into great people who are exciting and challenging. I think this is the way for me and just work closely with the few in the hope of inspiring myself and others to try harder and get more from themselves?

an unusual coaching outcome with Kev

Anyway, bla, bla, blog, blog,...

I have noticed that I am tasked to cut the huge lawn of the mad mansion, complete 2 training programs, do more espanol verbs in present,past and future tense, and watch an Argentinian movie to improve my Spanish listening skills. And tomorrow, I enjoy friendship, espanol and cafe and if I'm lucky, it is sunny in my head as well as the sky.

I have come away from the fantastic website for language learning as it seems to be morphing into more of an online dating site for the multi 'lingual'.. and as much as I am in need of a good shag right now, such online madness would probably fuck my head more than anything else!

But, I have found a new way to cheat my brain into learning the presente, pasado and futuro tense verbs using a tabular format and a sequence that embeds it...I think?

(Comer) to eat presente pasado futuro

Yo como comi comere

Tu comes comiste comeras

El/Ella come comeo comera

Nosotros comemos comemos comeremos

Vosotros comeis comisteis comereis

Ellos/as comen comieron comeran

Norah Jones - Broken

2011-07-25T22:45:00.000+01:00

Not taking the hump at the Camel...

2011-07-24T19:10:00.002+01:00

Finally got up to climb at the Camel near inversecky! Awesome routes, and had a great time. Did the classic Stone of Destiny and got a project on the go so will be back for more Scottish Montserrat (conglomerate).

fungarth on Stone of Destiny (6c+)

Ubuntu (8a)

To my friend...my wife.

2011-07-20T10:32:00.002+01:00

Great days in Glen Coe 1992 :-)

For us:

We had 15 great years and 2 shit ones...sorry for the shit ones and thanks for the great ones.
I genuinely hope you meet that person who brings you life long happiness and the security you wanted.

Sorry i didn't work out Wendy, I really am, but I couldn't work it out myself...

Always your friend.

Mark x

José González - Time to Send Someone Away

2011-07-19T23:00:00.000+01:00

Division of Labour: The Groove, Unjustified & The Blue Pig Set

2011-07-19T11:21:00.007+01:00

Malham Cove - The Groove (8a+) & Emma high on Unjustified (8c)

Found myself back in an old haunt from '92 due to weather wetness: 'The Cove'...

I went on an old score called The Groove (8a+) for some projecting and got spanked, then stayed with the nice family of Craig Smith in Yorkshire and had a groovy night watching him DJ at this mad spot in deepest Yorkshire called the BLUE PIG.

I got a complete spanking on the Groove and felt a lot harder than in 92 when i was working it for a red point before my injuries took over. So it has let me know how weak as piss i still am compared to then and perhaps reminded me of what I need to do to get there again. My fundamental strength (fingers and back) are nowhere compared to then and that is a result of lack of systems training and bouldering to date.

I finally got to kiss the holds of an 8c to see how hard the grade is when I went on Unjustified which starts up the Groove then turns right into a powerful sequence of underclings, slopers and sidepulls (invertido, romo y lateral) through a steep bulge. It basically RAPED me! Brutal, but fundamentally a good experience to be on such hard moves. I watched a girl Emma on it on my first day and was totally inspired. So hopefully more psyche from this...

Craig on FA of L'Ob Session

Craig: 80's Climbing Icon, Scientist and Cosmic DJ!

Any relation to Craig Smithy?

Craig on his own Division of Labour at Kilnsey

Wales TRAD - Rumblefish E7 6c

A set

Old skool gold

The crazy world of the Blue Pig

Craig on his home board

Fungarth under Zoolook (8a)

Malham beck

I must say that I was a little cautious about going back to Malham as it was a pretty intense scene back in the day, but the vibe was cool when we were there this weekend... Allot more chilled and open...or maybe that was more me back in day when i was more intense about my climbing performance in front of the strutting peacocks of the catwalk ledge. But it was great to be back...not so great to be weak as piss, but great to be back and leave inspired to train harder. I had a quick shot on Zoolook crux at bottom in between my own project for old times sake to see if I could still do it...feliz.

Staying with Craig and family was fantastic. He's a cool guy and a real icon from the 80's. I did his route L'Ob Session back in the day and it was everything I loved about sport climbing then; good rock, hard with big fingery moves and sustained. It was given E7 6b then and is 7c+ but known to still pack a punch.

I'm really enjoying coloring my non climbing 'time out' with such things as obscure DJ venues in the darkness of the Yorkshire moors with someone like Craig at the helm sharing his awesome eclectic vynel in a fabulous location... i suppose this must be art...it felt like it.

Craig's session was cool.., very mellow and fitted the scene of the BLUE PIG location... I had one pint of Yorkshire Ale and remained sober and really enjoyed the night. I'm too mad to get wasted at moment but Yorkshire was cool, the climbing was cool and the people were cool...

I always found it easy back in the day, to extract myself from the Scottish climbing scene and get involved in the Welsh Trad and English Lime Scene or France and now I want to do the same with the rest of the world and try and see and climb in far away places that I never got to climb in...

'That' flower again - Yorkshire

Glasgow Transport...Art n stuff...

2011-07-15T19:15:00.002+01:00

On my way through the park for some espanol and cafe, I spotted some of this which I thought was cool. I have never paid much attention to art when I was younger as I was too busy looking for door frames to 'dead hang', but now, maybe I am enjoying paying more attention to such things around me now...nice.. I like :-)....

Abres Los Ojos (Open Your eyes)...Soul Mining.

2011-07-13T22:32:00.001+01:00

It's the hardest thing, waiting... Every day, I get an urge to be creative or entrepreneurial in some fashion or other but with each of those thoughts I quickly stamp out such ambition with a nice big dose of 'fear of failure' or if that old classic doesn't work, then a blinding flash of self loathing usually does the trick to prevent such bravado gaining a foothold in my world of simplicity where to eat (comer), to climb (escalar) and to study (estudiar) are all that I am in life in an attempt to hold the pieces that I have left for me, ready for the anticipated fix that my future will hopefully become when all the official/legal stuff allows me to begin again.

When I was younger, I listened to allot of music and found that it really helped me through the more difficult times in my life. Again, music is my friend and I have few material priorities at the moment - but retaining access to the 'sounds' is key to my survival and is a must to keep me inspired in the darker times. So each time I have a head phone failure I am happy to invest the euros for a new set without the guilt of spending money.

Wanting to 'win' is a weird concept for me at the moment, but I sincerely hope it finds it's little, shitty competitive way back to me because without it, I feel lost. Lost in a place that just seems a little empty and a little scary. That competitive drive is a necessity to live, to move forward in the sociedad.

Sitting on my own in the fungarth's big garden today is like sitting in one of those Rehab clinic's gardens from the 'cuckoos nest': well groomed but surrounded by madness (mine.) I'm told that because i'm aware of my psychological state that I am not mad. But I think I would prefer to be just bouncing off the walls with a blank glaze and an unconditional smile. To face your demons and search for a more true life is a scary place to be but it feels a necessary process for me to scrape out all the junk and demons and when it looks clear, pile in some more salt just to be sure, because they are big ugly demon fuckers. No point going half arsed with this shit I suppose, but fuck me, it feels pretty raw right now. Maybe I went too far with all this, maybe I didn't..fuck knows..

I dont want to take myself out of sociedad completely as I might not get back, but when good friends around me provide help and support, it inevitably leads to an obvious juncture to provide me with structure. When it becomes this, I find myself needing to back away before it becomes something else; like a burden, a guilt or a commitment that I cant currently make good on...small or massive, they bare the same weight for me at the moment.

Just now, I want to sit in the sun and watch my soul wonder off into the azul sky with the notes of the violoncelo walking alongside it...

Or maybe I will just go and campus on the fungarth board as I like the set: 6 x maximal fingers, 5 x campus, 3 x PE. Feliz..

Or listen and study another scary espanol movie to absorb and absorb in preparation for meeting Mariana this week. I hope it's another sunny day in the park...

I watched the original spanish version of 'Vanilla Sky' called 'Abres Los Ojos' which was awesome but dark.

legally legal...

2011-07-12T22:47:00.002+01:00

It's been a weird week or so, with not too much happening other than another day trip up to the Glen for another session on the project, which took a step back for me when I nearly pissed my pants watching the fungarth pull the rope to clip the chain at the dodgy long run out at the top of the 30m pitch only to see the rope drop and then the fungarth look me in the eye and say the inevitable.."take". Not what we wanted to here, especially as he was way above the final bolt, but hey ho and off he plopped (just like JD all those years ago trying to on-sight Fated Path) flying down the wall like a big gangly fungarth - though JD was smaller and the fall looked bigger, but that was another story...

fungarth at bottom of project

fungarth halfway on Axiom

After about 40ft he finally stopped and lowered down to my hysterics. I had continuously mentioned my worry about the belay clip and the flat hold and how it would feel horrendous boxed way above the last bolt with an awkward clip for the belay.. and so for once, "i told you so fungarth!" I am now shitting it to do the run-out to the belay, but maybe if I'm lucky I might never get that high!

However, in the run up to the plummet of doom, his continuous effort on every crux was superb to watch. he gives it all he's got and i wish I had more of this in me. I tend to be erratic in my efforts depending on current madness levels etc...

The rest of the week has been spent training, doing some new online programs and learning more espanol with a really nice sunny day in Glasgow in the park exchanging language and laughs.

Glasgow

The rest of my week has been pretty pants, just fighting with an anxious feeling of waiting for all the life stuff i am trying to fix to become official and legal! I am not legally skint yet! I am not legally divorced yet! I am not legally crazy yet! But yet all three are as real as the rain in my face and yet I still have to wait for sociedad to legalize my current status.

So today, I legally got out of bed and made some legal breakfast and fine legal coffee, studied some legal spanish, then made my way (legally) to the Helensburgh Co-op and purchased some toothpaste (legally) and an ice cream, then took my legal ass back up to the fungarth mansion, where I am temporarily residing as I am legally homeless.., legally scared.., legally bored out of my tree waiting for the lawyers to legally legalize the legality of my illegal circumstances so I may get the fuck on with some half decent legal shit...

Other than that, its all tickity boo...

Glen Coe...It's not Spanish ...weather...

2011-07-07T20:30:00.006+01:00

la montaña de proyectos

Rescue Chopper flying over project

bla, bla, bla.... woke up early in the rain, drove to Glen Coe with fungarth in the rain, walked up to tunnel walls in the rain, climbed in the rain... it's just not espanol... but it was worth it... undercut, sloper, crimp bolt, ...invertido, romo, recleta .. 'bla bla bla' ... o hablaba... Great day on a great project (70% dry)...Feliz

El violonchelo... las cuerdas tristes (The cello... the sad strings)

2011-07-06T16:38:00.006+01:00

I have always loved the sound of this instrument and recall my flat mate's girl friend playing the Frank Zappa guitar solo 'That old G Minor' on her cello from ear, in my room for me in Great George street one afternoon, in Glasgow. She was a music student and her name was Sheena (of Chinese origin and a huge talent) and i could not believe how she could translate such a sound from just one listen on the hi-fi and then play it note perfect with a sound that could make you cry.

Musical talent has always astounded me and the Cello is the voice of the soul... And so today's word in my mundo of Spanish madness is el violoncelo... pronounced (BEEOHLON che LOH).

Moved up north of Glasgow now away from the beautiful isla to the fungarth mansion for a bit to wait for the rain to stop again...training, eating, running and climbing with mi bien amigo.

2 mas meses; 200 horas de estudias and trabajo por mas euros... y lo que el dolor poco para filtrar.

Ghetto by the sea...

2011-07-04T01:21:00.002+01:00

The Fire Dance

Lost in translation? Or a richer palette with context...y en la profundidad

2011-06-27T14:28:00.019+01:00

Writing about a climbing life is sometimes acute and sits well with the truth of a moment, but I struggle with my lack of education and near zero consumption of literature, and obvious grammar and spelling issues (I scream "dyslexia", but I think that's me just sucking on a thumb of comfort - as the truth is more than likely just my lack of previous interest and my inability to focus my efforts on anything that is not made of rules that are logical and can independently build on their own - like my friends; the numbers).

As I absorb myself in the learning of my first new language, I am enjoying the development etc, but most of all, i am finally beginning to show an interest in the world out there (that I paid little attention to as I was solely focused on my own climbing or building a business) ...the world of the written word of others.

All said, I am still naively wary that to spend one's time reading of others instead of living and reflecting on one's own experiences, is in danger of being lost in a translation... the translation from the punctuated word of another meeting the perceptions of self, may not be as strong and true as watching and living the pause and rhythm of yourself and others on the stage...the stage of life with the stone.

I have read only a few books for pleasure in my life, but once I have learned this new language (as every minute is my prisoner for espanol) I am very keen now to listen to others through the written word, but not just English... I want to know the words of the Spanish, the words from France and the Eastern European countries and as many new cultures as I have time to know in my small dusty life.

When I was being driven down the winding road by moonlight under the awe inspiring pinnacles of Montserrat that beautiful starry night by the strong Ukrainian listening to her French songs on her phone as she took me to her world below the monastery or walking up Glen Rosa on the Island towards the inspiring granite slabs of Cir Mhor with the brave Argentinian who has pursued her climbing life with commitment without fear of missing out on mainstream living or it's security so she can 'live by the mountain'.., I realize that for me, to learn from other cultures appears more important than the learning of the subject itself. It seems richer in context to see and hear from others different from me.

I'm no intellectual but I hope i am of an intelligence that allows me to communicate and absorb those things I seek and search for in my life. For me the big search is a simple thing: A Truth. To date, I have only found it in two concepts (other than the numbers) : Love and Freedom. Putting the two together would be my Valhalla. As an obsessive person; to love another and yet have the freedom to maintain a singular personal motivation and hunger to train and climb near one's true limit is something i have never managed well.

When I meet a girl, I tend to focus on her, when she's gone, i focus on climbing. When she's back, I focus on her...To have them both is my search. This is perhaps why I understand, new rules for the search more than before: She must climb, she must be mentally strong, she must be intelligent and she must be true...

'Death and Taxes' are the 2 certainties of life: Paid one and smelt the stinking breath of the other when i was avalanched at 18, but I fear a life without fulfillment more than most and I only want to face my death awake and not caught out napping or asleep as time raced by me.

Maybe my 10 weeks in Spain did it's job for me... searching for the 2 factors that equal a truth...maybe it didn't...fuck knows... But I know this (for myself) about the 'God'. It may be we are all spirits with the sparks that pulse through us or there may even be a god in the notional human sense (I'm not holding my breathe for that) but I am sure for me that our soul is all in the love...the love of another who is you and you are her...

The Big Blue

2011-06-19T00:21:00.012+01:00

"we know our times will change...I talk to Jesus...Jesus says I'm ok... pushing and jumping...jumping the mountain range..."

I remember watching The Big Blue with my girlfriend and being inspired ... Inspired to fall in love, inspired to be adventurous,inspired to go deep within one's mental capacity to climb free of ropes, on sight and inspired to take risks in the hope of getting something bigger back in return.

I have always needed more from climbing than just simply enjoying the natural physical movement that it gifts us. But always, I want more. Risk in climbing is so much a part of my sport as I knew it and I find that so seductive. Yet still i ponder whether i will place myself in something i can't get out of, but yet I think to feel so alive with life like that, is just so inspiring and maybe it is why I climbed in the first place.

Imagine a moment when you bridge up and right on the sloping ryolite hold 400ft up the steep wall with no ropes and if you step up with the correct pressure and balance then you live, if you don't, then you don't...that's a big moment. For me, Shibboleth was that moment. It meant a lot to me to be there like that, and it delivered everything I expected back to me and more...I sometimes wonder if it happened at all?

Cir Mhor Granite

2011-06-17T01:11:00.006+01:00

waiting on the beach for the ferry.

I love that moment when you step off the boat and get onto YOUR island. Well it becomes yours as you gather more and more memories and good experiences.

I managed to treat myself to my first multi pitch TRAD climb in 15 years.

Even on such an easy climb, I felt really nervous racking up the trad gear below the granite slabs of Cir Mhor. The route was awesome with the sun coming out to play as we made our way, pitch by pitch up the amazing slabs and grooves. It felt great to be hanging from a self made belay on a bigger wall with only some crazy guide book description to decipher the route and the natural instinct to find the easiest way through the slabs of overlapping granite above.

Cir Mhor

I learned my Scarpa Boosters are not for TRAD...coming down the gully descent from the summit to our packs was the toe fuck of all toe fuckings!

The 1st pitch

Eventually, we walked the long walk back down from the mountain into Glen Rosa and managed to hitch a lift from a bus for the final leg of the journey only for it to come to an abrupt halt. The driver turned to us and said he had ran out of fuel! We laughed at this as we were both pretty busted from the long day and the bus seemed such a sweet gift to end the day.

So we got out and walked, only to have him jot along a few minutes later with a smile saying it was the fuel pump! We jumped on again and enjoyed the free seat back to the village.I like little things like that happening, they're the trinkets that make a good day great.

Glen Rosa

Although we climbed the route smoothly, clipping on the wires, the cams and slings to my harness below Cir Mhor after such a long lay off created an unexpectedly intense moment for me until I was allowed on the rock, then we just moved across the shapes that were so familiar, different place, different time maybe, but the same none the less...they were mine again.

Maybe I need to curb my ambitions on big mountain trad until I have lots of mileage under my belt again. Or maybe I don't? Fuck knows? Or maybe 'fuck' doesn't know.

I didnt paint enough on the island and I feel the guilt of a bad religion. My paint work is not done on MY island yet. But on this trip I climbed the big rock of Cir Mhor with a cool amiga, drank the vino tinto, ate the pasta and learned mas espaniol...felicidad!

escalar (to climb), comer (to eat); vivir (to live)...

Came off the island tonight on a boat, got a train, a bus then another bus and waited for the classic 'Geek Extraction' from some obscure bus station on the North East Coast...he's always late, but I know he will always arrive, just like his 1am extraction outside Lleida train station in Spain.

'home' to the island.

2011-06-12T22:20:00.007+01:00

Cambus O'May

Wet Saturday at the geeks

MC of S / ReAch Coaching Event: Kirrie Muir

Back to The Island

The last week has been really varied since coming off the island; lots of different locations, full of climbing, coaching, Belgian chocolates on a rainy day learning espanol and lots of travelling . Gone from talking to no one across from the monks to losing my voice coaching and talking far too much.... withdrawal... back to the island now for less talk and some Arran elementos...

Entrepreneurial nonsense ,elefante de roca and teen spirit

2011-06-09T23:01:00.010+01:00

Gordon street, Glasgow Location of 'fuck up'...

On my way up to the North East of Scotland to for some rock climbing, I had to walk past the location of one of my old retail stores in Gordon Street, Glasgow. It put a shiver down my spine if I'm honest.

It was the first of the Bite chain and was a disaster from opening day (in terms of turnover expectations), but we pushed on with the growth plan to 5 stores in 2 years and funded the business accordingly. I held 75% of the company and went 'all in' with savings,loans and equity release on the house. It was the loans that fucked me in the end, but hey ho, you take your chances in life.

We fought bloody hard to turn Gordon Street to profit but failed as the rent was reviewed and increased by a further 20000 euros per año taking it to 89000 euros per año (año with an accent above the 'n' means year. Without the accent, it means bum hole! It was a bum hole dos years).

I could say that this store was the downfall of the business but the truth is, with hindsight, that we were too focused on strategic growth instead of using this store to sort out our core product offer for the future business.

Had we done that instead of pushing for the financial target of 2M euros in 2nd year then maybe it would have been a different story. maybe it wouldn't and the bank run may have got us anyway as we were too highly geared as a business. But I have no regrets because I would have not made it back to who I really am... a climber, good or bad.

As I begin to get back in the game of life again, I'm beginning to realize that I do enjoy certain aspects of business but i dont want it all consuming as before with 40 staff,banks, lawyers, property agents all wanting a piece of you every hour of every day in a high growth business. The risks we took were massive...one too many!

My passion in entrepreneurship has always lay in trying to be innovative. I had a small product development company running in tandem with the retail company where i was developing and researching a new product called The Chocolate Munro!

The research stopped when the funding stream collapsed from the retail business and the government grant to match fund and finish the research (interpolation of the datasets and rapid prototyping) could not be met and the Chocolate Munro is parked in my to do list. Maybe I will, maybe I wont?

There was a lot more to it than chocolate shaped mountains:

The concept took x,y,z coordinates from OS datasets from map contours and used some basic matematicas and software tools to interpolate the spacial gap between the contour distance of 15m to form a 3D scaled model of say Ben Lomond; branding was created, point of sale merchandising was created, logistics of bringing the product to market were done,new product groups were developed; Eiger, Mont Blanc in Belgian chocolate. US markets were looked at with Yosemite/ Grand Canyon. Golf markets were layed on with the chocolate replica of the 18th hole of the world renowned St Andrews. Moulding manufacturers and quality european chocolate suppliers were contacted.

Ben Lomond DTM

Then the good stuff started to un earth itself: SDDS (Seamless Data Distribution Systems), this was the stuff that got my juices flowing. chocolate was nice and all, but the SDDS was sexier. It is the future as our earth isn't getting bigger but our land is being squeezed and is therefore becoming a more and more valuable asset and this fundamental fact means that high quality accurate deliverable geo-spatial data will be used in car's on board sat navs, for tourism interaction, emergency services etc. This was interesting to me then,.

But for now, we coach, we paint and we work the long minutes in between the here and now learning espanol with a passion to facilitate my destiny with more Spanish Stone and a climbing life.

Yesterday, I had the best days coaching since I began back and Today I climbed Smells Like team Spirit (7b+) at elefante de roca on the North East coast of Scotland and I am happy. Tomorrow I will climb again and i will be happier, next week I will be painting on the Isle of Arran, maybe climbing and more running. I will be happy with that.

Amanda on Hamish Tedds (7b+)

The world of entrepreneurship is a fascinating and exiting world but when I sat at the bottom of the crag today belaying my friend the geek, with the wind shifting the water tension on the sea pools in between the rocks and the sun shining on my face again, i realized that this life i am leading is real as real can be, and that I need to let go the need of making business and being a success in the traditional social sense of the word, because if I am climbing and happy, then I am more successful now as being me than I was trying to be someone else.

The Geek heading down to elefante de roca!

The road to hell ...

2011-06-06T20:57:00.004+01:00

Seems weird after my last post with god mentioned, but hey thats how its rolling?

Whilst surfing away in my sea of dreams covered in paint, some people shouted through to me through the open window (helps with the paint fumes) asking me if they could talk for a minute.

Right away, I could suss out that they were from him..'the big man'...God!

I told them everything in my life was just fucking fantastic and that my biggest worry really, was wither there was enough gloss left to paint the large bay windows overlooking the Monks on Holy Island. They didnt believe me and saw sorrow in my eyes but i told them I had already found a goddess: An 8b in Siurana and a 30m 8a in Montserrat still to finish.

I told them that their god wasn't really on my Christmas card list at this precise moment in my life and that if I'm honest, i thought he was a bit of a dick with the cards he had been dealing and the barbed stick of irony he chose to deliver them with.

I felt righteous and continued to search for the source through that of the paint pot. I tried to tell them painting was a source for me and that they should give up their god and come join me with a paint brush. Eventually, they moved on next door without my conversion and me without theirs.

Being true to something or someone is hard for most. being true to the paintbrush is the more righteous path...

Climbing again in 36 hours. I do thank GOD for that!

Painting's a Source... I swear to god!

2011-06-05T21:18:00.003+01:00

As much as painting walls is a source man... I need more!

Music is obviously key to maintaining an acceptable level of insanity while surfing the walls with white emulsion paint and I am now in the surreal state of translating the words from the Gypsy Kings on my ipod...fucking tragic!

Lamlash is deserted today. Just me and the walls and the ceilings and an overcast sky and my dreams of elementos español. It's funny, my first attempt at moving to Spain was both misguided but a romantic notion based on hope and belief I suppose.

This time it should be based on both but delivered in a more strategic way with true intent.

Spain is perhaps the start for me, who knows where one might be in 3 years: The US, South America, Russia, Mary Hill! Jordon Hill? Bloody Grange Hill?

Main living room is truly getting spanked today. the brush and paint rollers are hot. Paintings a source man, but I want to surf soon. Coaching this coming week. Missing rock, missing training. Missing talking to people...not spoken to anyone in days (other than asking for an Arran Blond and a wi-fi code from the local hotel). How do the monks cope on the Holy island. Holy fuck. Holy moly, holy shit.Maybe they sneak off the island for a few Arran Blonds? Maybe they don't.